My Judith, my Judith

Hi my Judith,

I can't believe you aren't here for me to say or text this to you. I want you to know you are so loved and painfully missed. I find that I still don't quite have the words, still randomly crying and sifting through emotions, but writing a love letter to you is definitely helping me cope. 

I remember our first time meeting like it was yesterday. It was Rod and Kim's wedding and Slim said, "Bri and K, I am feeling this girl man and I want y' all to meet her. If y 'all vibe with her, I know I am on the right track lol." My first impression was...she is so beautiful, super fly and so down to earth! We talked briefly and were like yep...instantly gave our stamps of approval to Slim and were so excited to see y 'all grow.

Grow y' all did, and as time went on, K and I enjoyed the surprise bday parties, game nights, planning double dates, events, and admiring the love y 'all openly shared for one another. Fellowshipping with you guys and growing together as friends, as family. Always good energy and fun. 

Time passed and Slim said, "It's time to put a ring on it." We were like o snap, tell us when and where! He spent so much time getting the details just right for you. The proposal was perfect and we felt so blessed to be a part of it. The wedding was beautiful and so much fun! You were so proud and happy to put your own spin and swag on things. It was perfect my love. We used to joke about you being the newest "sister wives" member. All the wives were like, "Welcome to the club!" lol.

Little did I know how close you and I would grow to be as friends and fellow business owners. We talked about LLCs, photo shoots, marriage, love, the ups, the downs, growing into our roles as wives and how it changed us as women. We learned from one another, I learned from you. Marriage takes a team and support systems in order to be successful. You were one of those support systems for me and I hope I was for you. I used to think and tell you how flawless your skin was and how perfect your teeth were lol. I would be like, "Damn Judith, you so fine." Your energy and smile were always contagious. We knew when Judith was in the room lol. I will miss the random, "girl, let's get out the house", and "meet me here" nights. 

As we grew closer I learned more about your struggles, your past, and your pain. It made me love your more and admire your strength. The fact you were dedicated to educating the masses on what you went through... I think we mistook that for your healing. Last October, we took a girls trip to Savannah, and looking back, it was such a blessing! Time well spent and memories I will have with you forever. It brought us even closer. Even with all the harsh realities about the past and current situations you shared, I felt you were ok. Maybe because I love you so much I wanted you to be. 

I feel like you constantly gave us answers to the test but we still failed. You were hurting and we failed you. I know it's selfish, but I am angry and hurt I wasn't there. Angry and hurt you felt alone, that you were alone when you left us. Angry that when I texted you the day before you left us, it was about business and not to just say "I love you." 

My Judith, my Judith. This has changed me. YOU have changed me. You left a legacy of beauty, contagious laughter, education, testimony, and love here with us. I honor you not only with this love letter but with my actions and willingness to continue educating myself and others about mental health and mental illness. We had so many plans but I vow to follow through. 

I have written, deleted, added, and edited this letter over and over but words will never fully capture how I feel. I could write all day to you but will end here. Thank you for existing and sharing your light with us. Until we meet again my love. 


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