Self Forgiveness

 Hey y’all hey! 

It’s been a min. Life has been lifin and schedules have been schedulin lol. Basking in motherhood all while being intentional about maturing and growing as a wife, business woman and friend will keep you busy. Not to mention trying to drink water, stay healthy and prioritize self-care. There is always a to-do list and always something on the schedule lol. 

 One particular part of my recent self works prompted this blog post and that part is self forgiveness. I have noted in my 30s I have struggled with reminiscing on the past negatively to the point where I relive bad past decisions, moments, encounters and actions. I think “damn… if I knew then what I know now I would have NEVER done that. I would have spoken up, I would have said no, I would have vocalized my self worth.” Then I go down a rabbit hole of self sabotage which triggers insecurities and negative thoughts. My therapist has been pushing me to try to practice self grace when I get into that mindset but it’s hard. Where does that come from? Why do these thoughts pop up and take so much of my mental space? 

Is it a spiritual enemy trying to rob me of my growth accomplishments? Is it me still holding on to parts of the past I need to let go? Is it me not accepting the fact that I did do some things wrong, some people wrong and myself wrong and I haven’t accepted it? I don’t know. But what I do know is I have grown, I am growing and I will continue to grow. There is success and blessing in the fact I can look back and see that I am not who I was. After all, isn’t that what it’s all about? 

One positive about this journey/battle is that I have simultaneously been working on getting stronger spiritually. Knowing the truths of God’s word and what that means for my life. The thing that snaps me back and helps me focus on what’s in front of me and not in the past is that I don’t have the right to withhold self forgiveness from myself when He has already forgiven me. It’s a waste of my energy, time, and mental space. I am literally focusing on something that’s no longer in God’s plan for me. What a beautiful fact to know, believe and embody. 

Praying that anyone struggling with this receives a spirit of self grace and self forgiveness because in this life, we will make mistakes and bad decisions. It’s up to us to move forward, recognize the growth and learn the lesson.

Psalm 103:10-11

2 Corinthians 5:17

Philippians 3:13

Love y’all to life ❤️

BJ